Some Reasons Not To Honk Your Horn At People In Parking Lots
Go around the other way, idiot
Two weeks ago I was home visiting Z-mom and I took her to one of her favorite restaurants for lunch. All the handicapped parking spaces were full when we got there so I stopped near the door, got out the transport chair, helped her into it, took her into the restaurant, scurried back out to park the car, and then rejoined her in the restaurant. After our meal I had to do this in reverse. Brought her near the restaurant front doors, then went to get the car. I drove up near the entrance, hung the handicapped parking placard from the rearview mirror, got out of the car, went around to the passenger side, opened the door, and was about to go into the restaurant to get her when some d00dche pulled up in BigMobile he couldn’t get through between my car and the adjoining row of parked cars. If he had backed up ten feet, he could have gone around the other side of the row of parked cars, but instead he chose to honk his horn several times and yell out the side of his car window, “Move your car, lady!” It was about 150 degrees in the shade that day and 99.9% humidity and I was worn to a nub. We’d had a horrible time at mom’s morning doctor appointment, and had to hurry through lunch because we had an afternoon doctor appointment as well. I yelled back, “I’m picking up someone in a wheelchair, dude. Move your own damn car.” And went in to get mom. By the time I came back out with her, he was parked and walking up to the restaurant. In dulcet tones, he apologized and said how sorry he was, he hadn’t known, he thought I was parking there to get takeout, bla bla bla. I looked at him and said, “I don’t park in the middle of the street for fun.”
But you know? Even if I had been parked there to get takeout (with my handicap parking placard dangling from my rearview mirror) – what’s the need to honk and yell? Save your blood pressure, back up and go the other way. Or wait 6.3 microseconds to see if you can figure out wtf is going on. Douchenozzle.
Don’t drive up my ass
Yesterday I was out running errands. I’d woken up with a headache, but I do most days now that I am at the end of a botox cycle, so I tried to shrug it off – had to get some things done. Bad call. Out running around doing stuff, near the end of the errand list, I suddenly got…this feeling. Oh no. I know that feeling. Just…wrong. As if my blood pressure and blood sugar both simultaneously plummeted. I felt breathless and lightheaded and intermittently saw spots. I started to get an odd type of tunnel vision, where I could still see everything, but not really make sense out of things on the periphery. I felt cognitively confused – all information processing took much, much longer than normal. The bad-enough headache was ready to transform itself into a full-blown, raging migraine.
And I was driving.
Fortunately I was very near the entrance of a large parking area, and I knew that off to one side there was a place I could park and be in the shade. I pulled carefully off the road into the parking area entrance road, which led uphill, and then, I knew, had parking lots to the left and right. But I couldn’t see well and wasn’t exactly sure where I would have to make the turn, and then at the last minute I couldn’t remember if I should go left or right, and I was disoriented, so I stopped, briefly, trying desperately to see and figure what I should do.
And then some cranky ass woman in the car behind me honked, and honked, and honked again. This, as you might imagine, was extremely helpful to me in clarifying my cognitive confusion. I wanted to get out of my car and go back to hers and yell at her, but I was afraid I’d pass out. I honked back in frustration, and made a wild guess that left was the direction I wanted, which turned out to be correct, and found some shade.
I got something to drink at nearby store and was able to take something that made me feel better enough to drive the rest of the way home. Nobody else honked at me. And then I was sick as hell with the worst migraine in weeks for the rest of day and evening.
Moral of these stories
Maybe people are doing stupid things in parking lots for stupid reasons. Or maybe not. Maybe there’s a hidden disability involved. In any case, it’s not clear to me that the honking does anything more than vent the honker’s spleen. I don’t know if that lowers or raises the honker’s blood pressure.
Honking to warn people of impending danger is good. Honking to teach people a lesson about how you believe they ought to behave is silly – do you really think they “learn”? – and adds to noise pollution. (I’m quite sure that lady in the car behind me learned nothing from my honking back at her.) Plus, it aggravates my goddamn migraine. So don’t do it if you can help it. Thanks.