Home > Burns My Shorts, Daily Struggles, Ludicrous Language > For My Friend With The Douchey Boss

For My Friend With The Douchey Boss

You, my dear friend, have been EXCEEDINGLY ill for weeks, but still making sure everything at work gets covered, via arrangements with colleagues and telecommuting despite being on strict bed rest orders from your doctor. You’re getting slowly better and we, your friends, rejoice at this news. Your douchey boss, however, is hacked off about your “poor planning”.
Hmm. I would like to help my husband plan for a bout of a devastating pulmonary illness that leaves him wracked with coughing, weak, housebound, etc. Or some other illness, parameters to be specified in the future (e.g., time of onset, duration, symptoms, etc.) I assume your boss will be making him/herself available to me and my husband, and anyone else in similar circumstances, who might need to take advantage of douchey boss’s clearly superior skills in Future Sight Illness Career Planning. I will be phoning them up just as soon as I look up “A. Douche” in the phone book.

  1. D. C. Sessions
    February 1, 2010 at 6:05 pm

    A friend is currently without one knee due to postoperative infection subsequent to a replacement gone wrong.
    Fantasies about “DB” having the bad planning to be kneeless are, of course, inappropriate.

  2. JustaTech
    February 1, 2010 at 6:35 pm

    Funny, I just had a (less obnoxious) version of this conversation a few minutes ago. I’m not malingering, I’m making sure I can be here to do the experiment!

  3. OleanderTea
    February 1, 2010 at 9:25 pm

    Douchey Boss hath a multitude of kith and kin throughout the land.
    Me, I barfed in front of a boss who was complaining about my poor planning of a migraine. Yeah, sorry ’bout that, DB. >:-D Perhaps your friend should think about providing a sputum sample to his (or her) DB?

  4. February 1, 2010 at 9:32 pm

    When I was managing an IT unit I didn’t care if you took sick time. All I asked was that you follow department and unit policy.
    Department policy said at 3 days out sick, you have to have a doctors note.
    This came to a head one day. I had one employee who was pretty much superfluous as well as being someone who made myself and the rest of my unit very anxious and angry.
    What happened that day was she had already been out sick for two days. The HR director came down to talk to me, apparently my Mrs. Superfluous had taken the most sick time in the entire DEPARTMENT. The department had 250 people for reference, the unit had 6 people.
    So when Mrs. Superfluous called in sick that day I explained that by policy, I’d need a doctors note when she returned the day after.
    The next morning I got in a little early and who did I see sitting at her desk? Yep, Mrs. Superfluous. I ask what she’s doing there to which she screeches “You threatened me!”
    Do you have to wonder why we were all overjoyed when she called in sick???

  5. February 2, 2010 at 2:54 pm

    Indeed this is an infuriating phenomenon. I once missed a scheduled time slot on communal equipment because I thought that I could soldier through an impending migraine and use it anyway. I was wrong, and instead spent my time slot puking and half-blind in the ladies room.
    I was publicly berated by the overlord of communal equipment, who did not know the reason for my “inconsiderate” absence from the ascribed time slot. When I apologized for my “inconsiderate” behavior and told him why (I don’t normally share my medical history with my colleagues, but it seemed pertinent under the circumstances) the overlord then informed me that I should “plan better” and that it was “a good thing that I told him about my migraines because otherwise he would have been MORE ANGRY the next time it happened”.
    Excuse me?
    And Tony P – have you ever tried to get in to see a doctor on 3 days’ notice? Unless you’re going to the ER I wish you luck with that.

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